Here we go again.

It feels like just yesterday I was blogging from the road with the Vancouver Canucks and somehow I’m miraculously back with the boys again as we jetset out on a five-game trek beginning in Calgary.

Fort Nucks, as I hope you know by now, is your one-stop-shop for everything behind the scenes Canucks when I’m on the road, but I have to apologize for my lack of bloggage whilst at home. That will change come playoff time, then it’s 24/7 Fort Nucks – you’ll be all like “nooooo, no more I can’t handle any more incredible photos and stories” and I’ll be like “ohhhhh ya, here’s another and another and another… muah ha ha ha” (that’s my evil laugh).

Back to the main event.

Not much to report right this second, we just took off from Vancouver and it’s too bright to look out the window. For a second I considered putting on sunglasses, buuuuut I have to be aware of Kevin Bieksa, the phone on his camera and his ability to humiliate me on Twitter. I can’t make it that easy for him. I actually got off lucky last road trip, he had a picture of me ready to tweet, but didn’t pull the trigger. Maybe we’re BFFs after all?!?

Oddly enough I’ve never seen or covered a game in Calgary, so I’m excited to jump a province over and enter Flames Territory. That and three of my really good buddies live in Cowtown, so, if it’s alright with you, I may meet up with them for root beer floats tonight.

This is a great trip in terms of cities: Calgary, Colorado, Nashville, St. Louis and Dallas; I’ve visited them all at least once before, but I’m always open to exploring new areas and trying new things. For those familiar with these cities, if you could recommend I do or see or try one thing in each place, what would it be?

And just like that my introductory road trip blog is complete, time for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and Game of Thrones.

Derek

P.S. - Jeff Vinnick is on this trip as well and we’ll be collaborating on some Behind the Lens galleries. I know, I know, include as much Dan Hamhuis as possible. I’ll try.

The Legend of Johnny Canuck - Part 2

Johnny Canuck is back. I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been awaiting the fifth short film in the My Name Is Johnny Canuck series with bated breath.

The new short film will debut Saturday night before the Vancouver Canucks, sporting special Vancouver Millionaires jerseys to honour the 1915 Stanley Cup champion team, take on the Detroit Red Wings at Rogers Arena.

I was lucky enough to see a rough cut of the film and it’s amazing, as they’ve all been. This one is truly unique though, it’s got a lot of heart and brings the story of Johnny Canuck full circle.

Johnny himself is quite a swell guy. How swell you ask? Well he cut an exclusive teaser trailer just for Fort Nucks, sent in behind the scenes photos AND he’ll be debuting the short film on Canucks.com as soon as it’s shown in arena Saturday night.

Here’s what he had to say about his latest piece of brilliance:

In this HD short film we flashback into Johnny Canuck’s oldest memory, on an outing with his father. On their journey, we discover the moment he finds his calling as a lumberjack, to learning his destiny as a man.

A new character emerges in “The Millionaire”, as we follow his life story from having it all to being marooned of his riches.

The My Name Is Johnny Canuck film series reinvented the historical Johnny Canuck character as a gritty and real personification of the 140 year old icon.

Enjoy your exclusive first look.

Blame Jory

And now we’re in Detroit.

Actually, that’s a lie. We’re halfway to Detroit from Nashville. It’s Saturday at 11:42 a.m. CST as I type this, we’re about to lose another hour heading into the Eastern time zone. Then we’ll reclaim three hours Sunday when we fly home post-game. Time travel is crazy. I feel like Marty McFly.

Another day, another win for the Canucks Friday. The game against the Predators was a snoregasbord (just made that up - I’m smarter above the clouds), but the boys pulled it out and now have five of a possible six points heading into the final game of this road trip.

Game days are truly a different beast. The guys are in the zone, so I don’t speak unless spoken to for the most part, heck I don’t even make eye contact in fear of throwing them off their game. I dread the day the Canucks drop like a 9-0 game and afterwards they ask Henrik Sedin what happened.

“Jory. Blame Jory.”

To prevent that, I’m a fly on the wall. Out of sight, out of mind. But with everything being so serious, I don’t get much colour to blog about. And here we are. Not much colour to blog about.

I did get insight into coach Alain Vigneault yesterday afternoon though. In an attempt to rid of myself of the muffin top I rock like wolf on my noggin, I put on some short pants and a long sleeve shirt with short sleeves and discovered this mysterious place called a gym. It was like Narnia.

Running machines, oversized bouncy balls and free weights that aren’t actually free at all. You pick them up and then put them down. And repeat. Anyways, the only other person in this land of sweat and grunts was coach V, who was on an elliptical, doing his thing while watching a little CNN.

I’ve always had mad respect for coach V. And from what I hear from the players, he’s a phenomenal coach. I was really impressed that he was leading by example and sweating one out pre-game. Says a lot about his leadership to me. Love it.

Then assistant coach Newell Brown came in for a workout. Then assistant general manager Lorne Henning. Then I had a flashback to the old Sesame Street segment One of these things is not like the others, which one is different, do you know, can you tell which thing is not like the others, I’ll tell you if it is so.

If you guessed the writer whining uncontrollably while curling 7 pound weights, you’re correct!!!

Your prize is my humiliation. Enjoy.

And, just like that, I’m at the hotel in Detroit. It’s lil’ chilly out, so I’ll likely keep to myself this evening, hopefully catch some Kings of Queens or something. No players in the building right now, they all took off to Chez Kesler for the afternoon.

My invite must have gotten lost in wherever invites that aren’t sent go to!

Derek

P.S. - If you can guess what artist I’m listening to in the photo above, you win some karma…crazy bonus karma if you can name the song.

Nightlife

What a monster win that was last night in Dallas. The Canucks have three of a possible four points so far and we’re now in Nashville hunting for more tonight.

How did we get to Nashville so quickly? Time travel, no biggie.

Having to fly post-game is truly one of the most unique aspects of traveling with the team. It’s hurry up and wait at its finest. Game ends, players do media, change and go through security before getting on a bus headed to the airport, before getting on a plane headed to the next city. Same for the rest of the staff.

It’s all a blur. Cities blend together, if you’ve kept a room key from a past hotel you’re doomed to get mixed up and really, by this point in the trip, you have no idea what day it is or where you are.

We got to the hotel in Nashville around 2 a.m. and I couldn’t help but chuckle when the doorman said “good morning!” - I was all like c’mon man, I look like a walker, do you think I’ve slept yet?

Then it was the ol’ elevator crunch where 50 exhausted people just want to get to bed and there are only two creaky elevators and no one is crazy enough to take the stairs eight floors.

Note - If you’re not an actual player, you wait until the end. The very end. The sun was almost up. First. World. Problems. The trainers have it the worst. If I ever man up, I’ll follow them for a night. Their work never ends.

Once in my room it’s time to check Canucks.com and make sure everything is tickety-boo. Last night it was, but I made the grave mistake of turning the TV on. NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OF TURNING THE TV ON AT 2 A.M.!!!! First up, Fraser. Martin Crane accidentally ate the pot brownie Roz had left for Niles and that led to a world of hilarity (NOT), then on The King of Queens, oh you’re going to laugh, Carrie was wearing her hair in a bun and Doug didn’t like it!!! LOL x 1,000 - I KNOW!!!

I repeat - NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OF TURNING THE TV ON AT 2 A.M.!!!!

Moving on.

Do you eat at 2 a.m. if you’re hungry? I feel like no, but my grumbly tumbly was yelling at me. I shut it up with some Twix, they’re basically celery sticks.

When the website is good and the belly is full and the non-stop laughter of late night TV ends, it’s finally time to sleep. Last night that was easier said than done when I realized that since I left Vancouver, my loved ones back home have gone to bed earlier and gotten up later than me every single day. So much for some R&R on the road.

Then I started thinking about how if I ever started a band, I’d name it Free Beer. We would sell out every show ever. Then I planned out Friday morning and realized I could kill two birds with one stone on something I’m working on, then had a chuckle thinking about someone at PETA using that saying in a meeting.

It was good times at 3 a.m. in Nashville, let me tell you!

That’s about all the news I’ve got for you. It’s 2:20 p.m. and I’m in my hotel room having just mangled a sub, my third of the trip, with game time in less than five hours. I’ll likely spend that time trying to figure out how to get past security at the arena to meet Taylor Swift, she’s rehearsing crazy close to the Canucks dressing room.

Taylor, I know you said we are never ever ever ever getting back together, but you haven’t seen me since I got a haircut! I’ve been mistaken for an actual NHLer twice - once was me looking in the mirror and the other was Malia who cut it complimenting her own work, but it allll counts!

Derek

P.S. - 11 days…

Peanut butter Jory time

Welcome to Chicago Canucks fans!

It’s windy here, as advertised, and we lost two-hours en route, so it’s dark already. Otherwise, what a city!

The hotel is gorgeous, the view from my room is even gorgeouser and the three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I nabbed from Air Canucks are the gorgeousest.

Normally I blog while traveling, but some days the words just aren’t there and today was one of those days. I stared out the window into a thick mess of gray clouds for a long time; I couldn’t see anything and I could see everything. I was as sharp as a bag of wet mice all flight. And no, Jack Black didn’t do something funky to the coffee before Dave Grohl served it to me. I ride dinosaurs as often as I drink coffee.

I was going to live-blog the flight, or at least time stamp entries throughout the afternoon to explain what was going on, but the Canucks are on a new plane these days and it’s very divided. There’s a first class, then another first class, then the players, then the trainers. It’s all first class really, the plane is pimped out with wood paneling and the sink in the washroom may have been marble.

For some reason Jeff Vinnick and I were row 1 in first class with enough legroom a lion could have slept in between my feet and the wall in front. The only time I saw any Canucks was when they boarded – and yes, I got the gears from every one of them about being in the front of the plane.

I took full advantage by sleeping most of the flight. I also played Guess the Celeb Booty from whatever girly magazine Rory McGarry was reading. I went 0-for-8, which I think I’m rather proud of.

And now, presto, we’re at the hotel. The Canucks will grab a bite to eat and rest up for what is going to be an epic game Tuesday night at the United Center.

We’ve got a Behind the Lens gallery coming tonight and I just finished texting a very important someone who will likely play a part in Canucks.com’s coverage of tomorrow’s events…

Anything I should know about Chicago before I head out for a sandwich?

Derek

P.S. – Turbulence turns me into a 12-year-old girl, and that’s an insult to 12-year-old girls. Sorry Jada. (Just an FYI for anyone flying with me in the future).

Stickered

Just when I thought my head couldn’t get any bigger, Chloe made it smaller and stickier and now it’s bigger than ever.

Chloe, aka @penciltest, is an art student with a fondness for a Sami Salo slapshot who runs a few great blogs including http://azirae.tumblr.com/; it’s all a collection of incredible, adorable, original art and, as a fan of the Vancouver Canucks, she arts her favourite players as well.

Remember those amazing Canucks tree ornaments from a few years ago? (http://bit.ly/WDlQqN) Ya, that was her. She’s got mad skills and her latest endeavor is more pure solid gold.

Chloe recently took on stickers and did 22 Canucks, the Green Men and Sami Salo (Forever a Canuck) printed on 8.5” x 11” sheets. We posted a link to it on Canucks.com earlier this week. Killer stuff.

Then I looked a little closer and realized there was a player I didn’t recognize AND RIGHTFULLY SO! That ain’t no player, it’s me! Top row in the photo above, I’m second from the left between Zack Kassian and David Booth! A limited edition bonus sticker was recently added to the collection of yours truly, clean shaven - and she even got my new hair right!!!

I have decided that I will no longer be signing my name on contracts or cheques, I’m just going to carry around a roll of Derek stickers and use them when needed.

I never thought I could be so stoked to become a sticker. But alas, here we are. The only question I have now is if Chloe were to have made the stickers scratch and sniff, what would I smell like? A ripe ol’ mix of sweat, peaches, manliness, peanut butter & jelly and your grandparents’ basement, with a hint of freshly mowed grass, I reckon.

Thank you for the fantastic stickers Chloe!

And thank you even more for NOT making them scratch and sniff!

Click here for more info on how to order Canucks stickers – including me!

UPDATE

My head is back down to normal size. Apparently the sticker I thought was me, is not me, it’s some guy named Ryan Kesler. Sooooo for the time being, I’m back to being stickerless.

“I’ll add Become Sticker back to the list,” said Derek’s bucket list.

Sad emoticon in 3…2…1… :(

UPDATE II

CROSS BECOME STICKER OFF THE BUCKET LIST AGAIN - I’M BACK!

Just got a sweet email from sticker queen Chloe, with the following photo:

My head is back to over sized, I’m a sticker! My hair is a tad lot longer right now, the ladies like it that way (and by ladies I mean my mom), but I’ve got some facial scruff, which I always have. Awesome.

Chloe, my order is on the way!

KASS-TASTIC

Vancouver’s 3-2 shootout win over Calgary Wednesday night was big for a number of reasons. It was the Canucks first win of the season. It was the end of a three-game homestand with a three-game road trip upcoming #momentum. And it was Zack Kassian’s coming out party.

KASS-TASTIC was the best headline I could come up with for Canucks.com post-game and even then, ZACK ATTACK came to mind and I just rolled with that. How lame, I know. Not since Saved By The Bell was on has the name Zack and word attack been so overused. AND IT’S ONLY THE THIRD GAME OF THE SEASON!

Fast-forward to me getting home Wednesday night. Trade the suit for sweatpants, microwave some leftovers and grab a drink. That drink, because of he who shall be named in a bit, ended up on my lap.

When I checked NHL.com’s coverage of the Canucks game, the above headline is what I found. STRAIGHT KASS HOMIE. I read it once in confusion, twice in bewilderment, then took a sip and lost it! STRAIGHT KASS HOMIE - LIKE STRAIGHT CASH HOMIE, ONE OF THE GREATEST SPORTS QUOTES OF ALL TIME FROM NONE OTHER THAN MY MAN RANDY MOSS!

I emailed the NHL to give them props on the headline and was told it was the genius work of one Davis Harper, who I now consider a close, personal friend.

Writing headlines is incredibly difficult and Davis Harper pulled this off after 1 a.m. Eastern Time in New York. That’s today now, but it was tomorrow yesterday - the future. Whether you admire the headline as much as I do or not, rise from your seat, be it at your desk, the kitchen table or on the skytrain, and join me in as low clap.

Here’s to you Mr. Davis Harper.

Oh and good luck in the Super Bowl my Straight Cash Homie Randy Moss!

Project NU2

As those at Rogers Arena just heard when the Vancouver Canucks hit the ice prior to puck drop against the Calgary Flames, there was no Bono, no U2, no ‘Where the Streets Have No Name.’

Right now, depending on your reaction, you fit into one of two categories:

1 – WHAT IS GOING ON? WHERE IS U2?!? THAT’S OUR SONG! BRING IT BACK! NOOOOOOO! HUNGER STRIKE – WHO’S WITH ME?!?

Or

2 – Well it’s about dang time they changed that song.

Truth be told, U2’s ‘Where the Streets Have No Name’ will no longer be the only song played when the Canucks skate onto the ice; it will still be used, in rotation, with a handful of other songs until a new grand master super sonic bombastic track is discovered. We’re calling it Project NU2.

During Game 3 Wednesday night, the Canucks were ushered onto the ice by Muse’s Map of The Problematique; during the first two games of the season it was DJ M.E.G.’s Stock-Holm that played.

Below is the Muse tune for those who want to have a listen.

To be clear: by no means are the Canucks locked into this as their new intro song, it’s one of many that we’ll be getting a feel for over the next few months. We might play the same song for three straight games, then mix it up, who knows!?! We’re crazy like that.

Beginning tomorrow morning our lovely loyal Canucks fans get a chance to have their say. All the details will be available on Canucks.com Thursday morning.

We’re always open to new song suggestions, comment below to have your say.

Hockey’s back!!!!!

I was in Whistler visiting friends last weekend when my phone began to go crazy.

Like Charlie Sheen crazy.

Like I had just Instagrammed a picture of peach pie crazy.

Like Keyser Söze didn’t actually exist in the Usual Suspects (what the what?!?) crazy.

Crazy, crazy.

I knew in a heartbeat exactly why my phone was blowing up, at 3 a.m. nonetheless: hockey’s back!!!!!

My first instinct was to run the seawall until a joyous orca jumped over me in celebration, then I remembered running is exercise and I was all like yaaaaa maybe not.

Whatever negative feelings I had about the lockout vanished as quickly as my New Year’s Resolution to be less awesome. Forget 113 days of boardrooms and mediators and negotiations and he said, he said and missing the greatest game on Earth; close your eyes, imagine the lights at Rogers Arena going down and picture your Vancouver Canucks skating onto the ice as they prepare to do battle.

Nothing else matters, hockey is back.

Fort Nucks is back.

Behind the Lens is back.

@CanucksGame is back.

I’m back writing, you’re back reading. I like this.

I’ve felt like a 3-year-old on Christmas morning since the announcement and this mix of excitement and anticipation likely won’t subside until the off-season – whenever that is.

First things, first: hockey’s back.

I missed you.