“How the *#%$ does a bus breakdown?”

All I can say is I’m incredibly happy this happened after the morning skate and not after a road loss.

The Canucks team bus was as dark as the inside of a shoebox in a cave at midnight after the guys skated Friday morning, but no one thought anything of it and we all clumsily piled in.

We sat and waited. And waited. Waited. Did I mention we waited?

“The bus is broken, everybody off,” said coach Tortorella, with a puzzled look on his face. “Broken bus, that’s a first.”

Turns out the battery had died. I can confirm the bus made it to the rink for the game, however.

You find out a lot about people when they’re hailing cabs, I realized today. It’s really a choice between waiting and running, patience and aggression.

The team lumbered up the stairs and out of the arena taking position on the sidewalk to wait for cabs. Waiting was ridiculous for Alex Edler, who played frogger through traffic before nabbing the first taxi.

Zack Kassian, following Edler’s lead, jetted back and forth between sides of the street like a tennis ball being smacked around, before ending up in a cab with Chris Tanev, who stood in the same spot and hailed the car by simply putting his hand up.

Fitting. Tanev’s heart rate never rises and Kassian’s never comes down.

Nicklas Jensen and Jacob Markstrom waited until everyone else was taken care of before really attempting to flag down a ride. Nice guys finish last, apparently.

“Dead bus, and you thought you were called up to the NHL,” laughed a teammate, giving Jensen a push.

In the end everyone made it back to the hotel in one piece and while I’m sorry this story didn’t have more twists and turns, something like the plot of Speed, I thought it was a story worth sharing.

Almost everything that could go wrong is going wrong for the Canucks these days. Winning cures everything, so here’s hoping for a capital victory in Washington.