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From Edmonton to Nashville

Yesterday’s blog lacked spice so instead of talking about Edmonton and how the Wayne Gretzky statue is awesome, but I couldn’t find the Sam Gagner statue, I opted instead to bring you aboard Air Canucks.

I’d say strap yourself in, we’re in for a bumpy ride, but these flights are as smooth as I was when I asked out the head cheerleader in high school. At least smooth is how I choose to remember it.

11:39 – Just got on board Air Canucks. I love getting on before the players because I can grab some food and not feel guilty about it. Every time I go for a snack I feel Sami Salo judging me. “You need to eat, again? You ate last flight,” I’m sure he’s thinking but really not because he’s a swell guy.

11:45 – We are preparing for takeoff. Doesn’t look like anyone will be sitting beside me for this trip to Nashville, for the first time in all my flights. Coach Vigneault is across the aisle from me watching game footage from Vancouver’s win over Edmonton; we make eye contact every once and a while, I smile politely, he tries to remember my name. It’s a game we play.

12:04 – Wheels up. Some movie is just starting, it looks semi-interesting. No clue what it’s called. I’ll watch some of it and try to guess the title. So far I’d say it’s titled People In a Helicopter and the Pilots Don’t Seem to Like Each Other.

12:19 – I’m working on a Local Heroes story I hope to have up tomorrow (be ready to shed a tear), but I’ve been catching glances of the movie playing. It’s now called People Drilling into an Ice Block with a Creature in it and Everyone Looks Shifty and Nervous.

12:33 – New title: The Monster Who Ate Someone.

12:42 – New title: The Monster Filled with Spaghetti.

1:01 – Just attempted to look outside to provide a weather update. I was blinded by the light. I’ll be down a sense for a while, I’ll have to rely even more on my always trustworthy sixth sense of seeing dead people. Great.

1:02 – New title: Open Your Mouth, I Need To See If You’re The Monster.

1:39 – Lunch time. Robert just brought me a meal consisting of a vegetable plate, a Greek salad and a fruit bowl. Yummy.

1:43 – Double yummy. Turns out that was just the appetizer, the main course is a vegetarian red pepper curry. Don’t mind if I do!

2:07 – I watched some of Zombieland (actual title) while I ate. I love zombies and Zombieland does them right. The dweebie lead guy is great, he must have done this movie before creating Facebook.

2:08 – Back to writing.

2:21 – Jannik Hansen just did some kind of banshee celebration cheer from the back of the plane. Safe to assume he won that round of cards.

2:22 – I wonder how I’d get in on a card game with the boys…I’m the greatest Go Fish player this side of the Mississippi.

2:36 – There’s a Harold and Kumar Christmas movie playing in-flight now. Thanks, but no thanks. If I wanted to be entertained by this low of humour, I’d go sit with Joey Kenward. Or I’d talk to myself.

2:48 – Edmonton gets its revenge. Mike Brown, this is where I should put his title but I don’t know it, just told me there was a baggage mix-up and either his or Ben Brown’s luggage might not be in Nashville when we land. Stay tuned.

2:56 – Snack time. You know the overhead bins usually reserved for luggage? On Air Canucks there are a few reserved for nothing but awesome. They call it the Bin of Sin and it’s jam packed with chips, chocolate bars, gum and other awesomeness. I opted for a Caramilk bar (how do they get the caramel inside?!?), while Dan Hamhuis took a big bag of Terra chips.

3:09 – I went for a walk around the plane a few minutes ago and of all the guys sleeping throughout the aircraft, listen up ladies, no one is snoring. I don’t actually think guys snore, it’s an urban legend like big foot or a bad women’s beach volleyball game.

3:24 – I lied. I heard snoring. It woke me up actually. There was drool too. All produced by yours truly. This is why I don’t sleep on planes.

3:25 – I need to get off this plane. I’m starting to smell like a snail left in the sun.

3:36 – We have landed. Great flight. And I don’t see snow out my window, I see a tarmac bubbling from the scorching sun. I love Nashville already.

3:36 – The title-less movie in question was The Thing. Whoever made that movie did a bad, bad thing.

4:46 – Yikes, just realized we lost an hour. Too bad, pretty sure it was going to be a dynamite 60 minutes. We’re off to the hotel now, I’ll check in with you tomorrow, I’ve got a photo surprise courtesy of one Alex Edler.